What is psychotherapy and how can it help us?
Why do people come to psychotherapy?
Some people come to psychotherapy because of a particular event: a breakup, the loss of someone close, problems at work or a major life change.
Others can’t name one single reason. They feel dissatisfied, tired of constantly adapting, or they notice the same difficulties repeating in different relationships.
Perhaps you have noticed that in some situations you react in a way that doesn’t feel right to you. You promise yourself that next time you won’t give in, get angry or withdraw, but when the situation comes up again, the same thing happens.
That can be a good reason for psychotherapy. To understand why you react this way, even when you want to act differently, and to work toward being able to act the way you want in similar situations.
You don’t have to wait until things get really hard to consider psychotherapy.
What do we actually do in psychotherapy?
Psychotherapy is a professional relationship in which, with a therapist’s support, you work on the difficulties that brought you there and the changes you want to make.
In psychotherapy you talk about your feelings, thoughts, relationships and life experiences. You also explore the reactions that happen almost automatically, before you have time to think, and what makes it hard for you to act differently in certain situations.
Take someone who keeps taking on extra tasks at work. She knows perfectly well that she doesn’t always have to agree. She has even decided to refuse next time. But when her manager asks her to stay late, she says YES again.
In therapy she can explore what makes refusing so hard for her. Is she afraid of disappointing the other person? Does she feel guilty? What does she expect will happen if she says NO? Is this way of reacting familiar from other relationships too?
Understanding these reactions can open up room for change. But understanding something and being able to act differently are not always the same thing.
That is why psychotherapy doesn’t stop at understanding the causes of our difficulties. Over the course of therapy, you also work on gradually making the changes you want in your everyday life.
Will psychotherapy solve my problems?
Psychotherapy will not remove every difficult situation from your life.
You will still face disagreements, losses, uncertainty and people whose behavior doesn’t sit well with you. You will still feel fear, anger or sadness.
The change can be in how you deal with these experiences, and also in how you see yourself. You can learn to accept yourself even when you make a mistake, when something doesn’t work out or when you feel something unpleasant.
You may start to notice when you are crossing your own boundaries, or manage to say NO without long justifications. In an uncomfortable conversation you can stay present instead of withdrawing right away.
These are not small things when we know how much such situations can make everyday life harder.
Relief and longer-term change
Even the first conversation can bring relief. For some people it means a great deal to finally say out loud what they have kept quiet about for a long time, or to have the chance to speak without fear of being judged.
Changes in how we see ourselves, relate to others and cope with life’s difficulties often take more time, especially if we have been used to acting a certain way for years.
During therapy we can begin to experience certain situations differently, recognize our own needs and try out new ways of acting. Experiences from everyday life are also an important part of this process.
There is no set length that suits everyone. What you want to achieve, how you are progressing and whether therapy makes sense for you are things you talk about with your therapist.
What does the first session look like?
In the first session we talk about what prompted you to get in touch and what you expect from psychotherapy.
You don’t have to prepare your life story. You don’t have to be able to explain why you feel the way you do.
You can ask questions about the way of working, confidentiality, session length and anything else that matters to you.
The first session is also a chance to get to know the therapist and decide whether their way of working suits you.
If you are not yet sure whether psychotherapy is right for you, we can talk about that too.